I've remarked (and sometimes lamented) numerous times over the past year about how I "haven't cum yet" with my present anatomy.

More recently, I've had the chance to talk to a number of folks about orgasms. Persons with various hardware, different hormone loadouts, a wide range of surgeries. They've all described vastly different and personal ways in which they experience an orgasm.

Over the past year, I've been chasing a particular sensation, which I—when I had a penis—recognized as an orgasm: local stimulation (along the penis and sometimes prostate), which builds a welling, culminates in distinctive peak, and (sometimes) results in ejaculation. Without a penis, I can stimulate my 'clit' in a rhythmic fashion which contributes some of this welling (which I affectionately call "building meter" towards orgasm). With patience, I can work to a pleasant plateau, but never quite reach 'peak'.

Through collecting anecdotes and testimonies, I've come to realize that my idea of an orgasm has been too narrow. One post-vaginoplasty woman indicated (quoted secondhand):

Orgasms changed, so the building pressure and intense pee sensation 'tingles' are there, and it's just sustained, as opposed to an eruption and ejaculation and then coming down from that

Wait. I've experienced that. Plenty of times. Is than an orgasm? I've had an AFAB (transmasc but pre-HRT) individual identify with this description as well. I'd never thought of that as an orgasm.

It does makes me wonder how much the very definition is subjective, and how much could be a personalized re-defining to accommodate different body function. It feels a bit cheap to retcon my sexual history with an "actually I've been cumming this whole time!". But yet. Have I??

Little more than a week into this introspection and self-exploration, things got heated with a partner, and soon I was getting railed bent over my dining room table. One. two.. three... four! distinct moments—a tingle, a wave of pleasure—each time, I let myself sink into it, her rhythmic thrusts rippling this euphoric sensation throughout my body. I've felt this before, but it had never clicked quite this way. I was unquestionably getting off.

When I couldn't take any more, she pulled out, and I slumped to the floor. I lied there a moment. And just started crying. I was so happy, realizing this milestone in my understanding of my own body. My wonderful partner accompanied me on the floor, to embrace me and join in my moment. I feel like I've reached a new stage in my sexuality—one I look forward to exploring more, alone and with many others.

2025-09-03 UPDATE: Yeah, I can still get off from the front too B)